5 times Blaine failed to be romantic
by me and Mr. Jones
Summary: And the one time, Kurt set him straight. Just fluff, though one part is suggestive of more. Please read and review.   Rated M because of said suggestiveness as well as several uses of the four letter F word.


_Ok. This is me attempting to write a romantic story while seeming to be unromantic. Make sense? Not to me either. But here it is. Hope you enjoy it. And do you really think that if I own anyone in the story I would be posting it on fanfiction? Man love and cussing. Review, please._

1. Blaine bit his lip as he pulled back from his first kiss with Kurt. Kurt had already had one kiss forced on him, and another with a girl when he was trying to change for his dad, he should have made this one special. Made it mean more, but Blaine wasn't good at romance, in fact he was quite possibly the worst romantic ever! And considering he tried to use Disney as his guide, he was failing even more epically. But that moment, when their lips touched for the first time, it was pure magic, even without the blue genie or the sorcerer's hat. It shouldn't have happened over a dead bird's casket though, he should have thought it through further than that. But Kurt had looked up at him through those beautiful eyelashes, and cocked his head to the side questioningly and Blaine knew it _had _to be then, there was no other option. And the words he'd used had been utterly ridiculous, 'you move me Kurt' 'Oh there you are, I've been looking for you forever.' He had no idea how Kurt hadn't rolled his eyes and told Blaine to try again, but he hadn't, instead he had inhaled a sharp breath in surprise that these words, lame as they may have been, were directed at him. Blaine blushed and smirked in embarrassment, praying that Kurt didn't tell him what a loser he was.

"We should practice," he claimed, trying anything to distract Kurt from his lack of romance. But Kurt smiled seemingly breathless and replied,

"I thought we were." Now how do you resist a line like that?

2. He'd had a plan. He had wanted to take Kurt on a walk through the forest near Dalton, holding hands, talking about everything and nothing and when the moment seemed right, he was going to say it. 'I love you.' Words meant to be said in the middle of a passionate moment. Words meant to be whispered as a couple drift off to sleep. They were not meant to be said in a crowded coffee shop after his boyfriend had just gotten done talking about being defeated. Wow, Blaine, way to be smooth. But Kurt, though he seemed thoroughly taken aback, smiled and said 'I love you too'. Poor Kurt, Blaine was sure that the beautiful, perfect, man in front of him had expected kisses and soft touches to go along with the three words that meant so much to both of them. He surely hadn't expected them to be said as his tongue was scalded with hot liquid as his boyfriend looked at him with a stupidly, goofy grin on his face. Blaine could have kicked himself as thoughts of his lack of romance in what should have been an EXTREMELY romantic situation, filled his head. Why was he so bad at this? What gene did he lack that made him such a disappointment to his romance seeking love? There had to be a way he could fix this, had to be a way to make his next chance at romance better. Blaine knew why he said it when he did, though. Kurt had been saying how New York was still so amazing, even after their loss. And all Blaine could think about, was how amazing KURT was, how this magnificent creature in front of him was beaming and looked like a celestial being. It had just slipped out. He wishes he were better at moments like that.

3. Blaine knew they would have sex for the first time soon, but he didn't mean for it to happen like this. Their make out session had very quickly gotten hot and heavy, hands explored, lips sucked, nails scraped. Suddenly Kurt pulled his own shirt off before going to Blaine's, this wasn't unusual, they were passed this. But then Blaine felt a hand tugging on his pants, attempting to get them down. He gasped pulling away, creating the perfect opportunity for Kurt's hand to swim under Blaine's waistband. His eyes were hungry and his face was flush and he looked hot as hell.

"Kurt," Blaine panted as Kurt's hand wrapped around his hardness, without hesitation, without as much as a second thought. "No!" the shorter man cried as Kurt's thumb wiped across his slit and Blaine's hips grinded upward. Kurt's hand released and came out of his boxers; Blaine could have kicked himself for the look of insecurity that was on the face of the sexy, gorgeous god that was attempting to give him a hand job.

"Did I do it wrong or something?" he asked softly and Blaine wanted to kill everyone who had ever hurt that beautiful, making him think that he was less than perfect.

"Oh god no!" Blaine grabbed his face, kissing his lips lightly. "You were great… I just don't want it to be like this, I want our first time to be romantic, not a spontaneous thing." Kurt smirked and pushed Blaine gently back down onto the bed,

"It will be romantic, because we love each other. We are giving our virginity to someone we love, the rest isn't important." Kurt pressed kisses on Blaine's neck, sucking softly, causing Blaine to moan and Kurt grinned.

"Did it hurt?" Blaine asked, moving so that Kurt couldn't kiss anymore and instead was forced to look into Blaine's eyes, which were bursting with love and burning with lust.

"Did what hurt?" Kurt asked, kissing Blaine again as if he couldn't get enough.

"When you fell from heaven," Kurt pulled away, staring at his boyfriend, who stared back.

"Really, Captain Cheese?" Blaine chuckled,

"You're one to talk Mr. 'It's romantic cuz we're in love…" Blaine teased, his hand covering his heart.

"Hey!" Kurt cried, swatting him playfully, "What I said was genuine and came from the heart. Yours came from google."

"More specifically ''" Blaine answered as they both laughed. And suddenly, it didn't matter that there weren't rose petals and candle light or satin sheets and serenading. Blaine's red cotton sheets worked just as well. The light from his ceiling fan made them look just as beautiful to each other. And the groans and hums that echoed through the room was the perfect soundtrack.

4. This was just getting ridiculous. He was asking Kurt to spend the rest of their lives together, why the hell didn't he do it better than this? He held up the open velvet box, the diamond band inside it. He wasn't down on his knees in the middle of central park, with a violinist playing nearby. He wasn't pouring his heart out through song walking down fifth avenue before kneeling and asking Kurt to be his forever. Shit he wasn't even in a quiet restaurant, telling Kurt he couldn't spend another day without him. No, Blaine Anderson proposed as they both sat sweaty and dirty on their couch after having just spent the day cleaning their apartment. He was in Kurt's arms, his head leaning on his shoulder as he held up the box.

"Marry me?" Fuck, shouldn't he have gone on and on about how much he loved Kurt? How every minute they weren't together, Blaine was wishing they were? Why on earth did Kurt stay with him? And was that just a 'yes' he heard?

"Oh my GOD! YES!" Kurt cried, turning Blaine's head so that their lips could meet. "Are you serious?" Kurt breathed as Blaine slipped the ring on his finger, "You really want to marry me?" Part of Blaine didn't think Kurt was really aware that he was talking aloud, but he answered anyway.

"I want nothing more, Kurt Hummel," Blaine claimed. "I'm sorry it wasn't more"—Suddenly Kurt flipped them over and was straddling his boyfriend, kissing him deeply and desperately.

"Be quiet, Blaine," Kurt moaned, and Blaine knew when it was time to let things go.

5. It was a small church that had an open door policy, meaning everyone was welcome. Kurt hadn't been so keen on the idea, it took months of begging and blow jobs, but one Sunday he agreed to go and humor his partner. They had been going for 2 years now. Kurt, while not fully converted, had decided that maybe the idea of God wasn't quite as absurd as he once thought. And it was even his idea to get married in the church. But the church wasn't decorated elaborately, no streamers from the ceiling, no ivy laced arch, even the flowers weren't that big of a deal. And they had only invited 100 people, and being a fashion editor and a music producer, they knew A LOT of people. But this was small, understated, unromantic, at least in some ways. There was no pomp and circumstance that one would expect from a Kurt Hummel wedding. He was wearing a black tuxedo and Blaine was wearing a cream colored one, red roses were pinned to their lapels. There wasn't a fog machine to make it seem like they were floating on a cloud. There wasn't anything extravagant about their wedding, it was just them, and those closest to them. Kurt thought it was perfect, Blaine thought he should have thought of something more special to do.

1.

Blaine sat on the floor and burst into tears. The dinner was ruined, the smoke detector was still screaming in pain, even though he had put the flame out. Now the food was black and the kitchen was smoke filled and smelt terrible. He couldn't do anything right! He was just trying to put together a romantic dinner for his and Kurt's fifth wedding anniversary, was that so difficult. Apparently if you are Blaine Anderson-Hummel.

"Oh God! Blaine!" Kurt gasped, kneeling down next to him. Blaine threw his arms around his husband's neck, sobbing.

"I tried—sssoooo h-har-d-d" Blaine whimpered, clutching the back of Kurt's jacket tightly in his fists. "I-I was-s go-o-ing –t-o s-se—t up th-e t-tu-b for a bath." He choked on every word until Kurt was shushing his tenderly, moving so that he could hold Blaine more comfortably.

"Baby, baby, breathe, you're going to die from smoke inhalation," Kurt soothed. Then he stood and went over to the window and opened it and went to the smoke detector and disabled it. Now it was quiet besides Blaine's soft crying. "Come on, let's get you some fresh air." Kurt suggested, leading Blaine delicately outside their apartment building and sat him down on the front stoop.

"It was supposed to be romantic and special. I can't do ANYTHING right!" Blaine yelled, looking positively miserable, Kurt rolled his eyes slightly.

"You are being ridiculous," he murmured but Blaine still heard him.

"How am I being ridiculous? You told me 13 years ago that you liked romance, and I am the worst person EVER at romance. I couldn't kiss you right, or tell you I love you right, or propose to you right. I couldn't even FUCK you right," Kurt looked up at an elderly lady walking back, she looked shocked at the men, but Kurt mouthed 'sorry' and she continued on.

"What are you talking about, Honey?" Kurt asked, kissing Blaine's temple lovingly.

"Our first kiss, for God's sake I kissed you over a bird's coffin! And spouted the stupidest lines. And then when I told you I loved you for the first time, it was in a crowded coffee shop, nothing special, and it was supposed to be special damn it!. And then our first time, I know you said it was romantic because we loved each other, but come on, do you really think losing your virginity on red cotton sheets with the sound of the ceiling fan whirling in the background was romantic?" Kurt opened his mouth to speak but Blaine wasn't done. "And then my proposal, I don't even know why you said yes. We were filthy, and smelled terrible and I didn't even get down on my knee. I just kind of stuttered it out. I am the worst." He looked up at Kurt who looked…hurt. His eyes softened and Blaine gently brushed a strand of hair out of Kurt's eyes.

"I thought it was all perfect and beautiful. Our first kiss, you told me you felt like you had been looking for me forever. That meant more to that seventeen year old boy than all the Shakespearean lines on earth. When you told me you loved me, you had a look of completely adoration on your face. And that to me, was the most beautiful face I'd ever seen, I still think it is. You still get it after we make love. Which, our first time was… amazing. Sure it hurt like hell and it wasn't our best go, but I was letting you see something no one else had ever seen and the same for you. It was amazing because it wasn't covered up with roses and candles and music, it was just us, which is how it should have been. And your proposal, god it was better than anything I could have thought up." Blaine's mouth was hanging open at this point, "I was dirty and gross and sweaty, and you still loved me. You still thought I was beautiful, you still wanted to marry me. I thought it was the most romantic proposal I've ever heard of. I don't need Paris, or a fancy restaurant, or a huge orchestra, just some subtle orchestrations." Kurt smirked and Blaine rolled his eyes,

"You stole that from "Catch me if you can"" he accused and Kurt shrugged,

"Still holds." He sighed softly, taking Blaine's hand in his, "Baby, if I've had you thinking all these years that I needed romance, I am so sorry. I love you and your romantic gestures have absolutely nothing to do with that."

"I was just going to make you dinner and then I thought we could take a bath together and then have awesome sex all night." Blaine explained, Kurt smirked, "Looks like that's shot to hell." Blaine grunted, still angry at himself,

"Ok, hobbit, enough!" Kurt growled, catching Blaine's full attention. "Let's go to Lotus, get some take out, come back here, take a bath and have awesome sex. The night doesn't have to be ruined." He claimed, kissing Blaine lightly, "It'll still be perfect, because it's you in my arms."

"You're a sap," Blaine replied, but he was smiling.

"No, I'm romantic." Kurt grinned, "Something you should stop trying to be. Remember, I'm not sexy when I try to be. So why don't you leave the romance up to me and I'll leave the sexiness up to you." Blaine grinned and kissed Kurt lightly, taking his hand and kissing his wedding ring.

"I love you," Blaine breathed and Kurt smiled,

"Je vous amie aussi, mon amour. Blaine threw his head back and moaned,

"French, you know I can't resist you when you speak French." It was true, Blaine turned very much into Gomez Adams when Kurt spoke French, even when he wasn't speaking French to him.

"Oui, which is why I speak it," Kurt laughing, grabbing Blaine by his shirt collar and pulled him back into their apartment, which still smelled like smoke, but neither noticed. "Je ne soigne pas que vous n'êtes pas romantique, je pense que vous êtes parfait," Blaine pulled away from their kiss as Kurt spoke rapidly, words he did not understand.

"What does that mean?" He asked, but Kurt just grinned and lead him to the bedroom. "Aren't we skipping a couple of steps?" Blaine asked, knowing he would not find out what Kurt said.

"We are starting with dessert first."

_Je vous amie aussi, mon amour= I love you too, my love (I think it is the proper version, which they would not have spoken, but I don't speak French, so I don't know how to say it any other way.)_

_Je ne soigne pas que vous n'êtes pas romantique, je pense que vous êtes parfait= I don't care that you aren't romantic, I think you are perfect._

_Hope you like it. This is just a sappy little thing I thought up at work one day and with nothing else to do, I wrote most of it on post its. (Didn't have anything else to write on) so I hope you enjoy it. And so the trees that went into making those post its don't die in vain…review. Please. _


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